Fears

It's funny, how the things over which I lose sleep have changed in the past six (well, almost six) months. 

When I first found out we were pregnant, I feared 'losing my body' and losing my social life.  I feared losing my close relationship with Chris in the midst of trying to meet the physical and emotional needs of a baby.  I feared losing my independence and identity to that of "mother."

Now, four days shy of six months pregnant, a lot has changed.  I still fear all of the above to some degree, but they no longer seem so pressing.  I know I'm most likely not going to lose my body (I actually still look like un-pregnant me, with a pregnant belly and pregnant boobs), not going to lose my social life (if anything, people seem inclined to seek us out to hang out with the critter!), and have only grown closer to Chris over the course of this pregnancy.  And while who I am will inevitably change, there's nothing about becoming a mother that dooms me to a life of neurotic helicopter parenting and perpetual frump. 

Yep. 

These days, I tend to worry more about the health of the baby.  We found out at my last checkup that my belly is measuring a few weeks behind where it should be, and I'll be honest - I've spent the past few days worrying about that at the expense of other things.  Did I get the apartment cleaned and the laundry done?  Yes, but only because I needed a distraction from thinking about what would happen if something were to go wrong with the pregnancy or the baby. 

It's probably nothing - it's the first time anything has been off, so we're simply waiting to reassess at my next appointment.  If I'm still measuring small in three weeks, she'll probably order an ultrasound to make sure the baby's growing and developing normally.  And all babies grow at slightly different rates. 

I'm still worried, but yeah...of all the things that could go 'not as planned,' this is probably the least significant or concerning.  And since we're approaching viability (24 weeks is the earliest possible 'age' for survival ex - utero), I should be able to start relaxing soon.