Thursday, May 17, 2012

Baby clothes!

The first (of many) article(s) of baby clothing has taken up residence in our apartment - I bought a long-sleeved onesie this afternoon.  It's starting to feel very real, this "we will have a newborn living here with us in four months" thing, and I'm terrified we're not going to be ready. 

This is the onesie I bought, except in beige/white stripe:
 New as of today is the fear that my lack of preparation for this baby thus far will a) make everything after now rushed, which will b) make things unwelcoming for the baby once he or she arrives.  I'm suddenly terrified that our lives are not going to be hospitable enough for a child, that my body thus far has not been a hospitable enough dwelling place for this baby, and that I'm not going to have enough love to be a mother to this tiny human.  I've spent so much of this pregnancy determined to not let this baby ruin my's scary now, thinking that I haven't done enough to take good care of my tiny human, or that I've taken too many risks thus far. 

This is, most likely, a completely normal experience. 

My doctor stated that she's "quite pleased" with how my pregnancy is progressing at my prenatal checkup on Monday.  This is a good sign.  The fact that I both look and feel great?  Also reassuring.  And getting to see the ultrasound, and to hear that this baby is, as far as the tech and my doctor can tell, healthy and right on track as far as gestational age goes?  I don't have much reason to worry, at least about my ability to take good care of this utero dweller. 

I'm still terrified.  And I suppose this is a good thing. 

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